[It's another long gap until she replies, as she genuinely considers what he's telling her, and whether or not she ought to believe him. It's quite the coincidence, being threatened, and then killed by the same person claiming to be under the influence of a monster. Maybe she ought to do some research to determine the truth of the story, but for now, she feels far more inclined to stay home than venture out to the Archives just yet.
She can hear the regret in his tone as he speaks, and that's hard to simply dismiss. If nothing else, she knows Maul wears his heart on his sleeve.
At the same time, the whole tale feels...
Convenient.]
So, you're telling me that you broke your curse - from what I've heard that must be some story all on its own, but anyway.
You broke your curse. Got on the network and immediately threatened to come after and kill me, John, and Luna. Then a monster gave you chocolate??
[What even is this place? What kind of monsters do they have here? Okay, so maybe cursed chocolate is also a Sunnydale thing, but that's beside the point.]
Didn't anyone ever tell you not to take candy from people - okay, monsters, whatever - you don't know?
[Her tone turns from disbelief to caution. She wants to tread carefully with him - there's no longer any magic keeping her, or the people she cares about safe, and she is trying very hard to be honest without provoking his rage.]
In my defense, the last time I ate one of the chocolates all it did was turn me into a cat. I should have known this place would make sure such a thing had a more deadly side to it.
[Now he's paid the price for his short-sighted behavior.]
Believe me, I know exactly how this sounds. The timing could not have possibly been worse.
[Maul knows there is a snowball's chance in hell that anyone would believe this all hadn't been completely premeditated. But he's got to at least try and make Willow understand.
He gives a long sigh.]
But maybe I deserved this. I've squandered so many chances to do better here. Maybe hitting this point was inevitable if I ever have hope for a chance to actually redeem myself.
[But he shakes off any 'woe-is-me' angst he may be feeling.]
I know you don't owe me a single thing, but if you can find it in your heart to do so, make sure no one goes after my brother. This solely on my own head, and I'll accept what anyone wants to do, but I fear they will go after those close to me to even the score.
[Qrow's texts are ringing in his ears, the threats to hurt those he cares about.]
[And the weird just keeps coming. She shakes her head.]
You ate a chocolate, turned into a cat, and went back for more?
[She wants more than anything to say she doesn't believe him - he's full of nonsense, and she knows he's a violent, psychopathic murderer. She is well aware she could take to the network and advertise that he killed her in cold blood as part of a revenge scheme, and there's not a soul who wouldn't believe her. There's probably not even a soul who wouldn't turn against him at this point. Including all of his friends
He sounds so earnest, and so regretful.
She sighs.]
Savage is my friend too.
Besides, I think there's been more than enough killing. Don't you?
Well, the first chocolate was given to me by a little nuisance who likes me for some reason.I only ran into the monster later. But both were irresistible. As soon as I saw them, I was compelled to eat it.
[Well, she's not immediately declaring him a monster and demanding his head, so that's a good sign. He's never been more thankful most people here have a deep well of compassion than right now. But also....]
My brother has friends?
[Huh. That's a new one. But heartening news amid all the tragedy. He's always encouraged Savage to seek out companions but he's never really done so from what Maul has seen.]
Yes. This needs to end or it will never stop.
[Look at that, the psychopathic Sith Lord can be taught! .....Eventually and with a lot of mistakes on his part but it does happen upon occasion.]
[Okay, that makes a lot more sense than Maul going, 'Oh look! A chocolate!' spending some time as a cat, and immediately, once again, going 'Oh, look! A chocolate!']
I thought maybe you just really liked being a cat.
[She's joking. Mostly, anyway.
In spite of the messages, it comes as a bit of a surprise that he seems genuinely willing to change. The question that remains is whether or not he's capable of genuine, sustained change. Or, if after a time, he will merely backslide again.
The best thing she can do, she thinks, is probably to accept it for now as another fragile, but temporary peace, and stay on her guard for when he changes his mind.]
I, uh. A lot of things aren't really clear right now. I guess I kind of... I dunno. Forgot? A lot of stuff. Maybe you can help fill in some of the blanks for me? I don't even know what happened the day, you... You know.
[Maul's lips almost twitch into a smile but he can't, not with how grim the situation is. Much as people like to think he's an idiot on the level of a dumb animal, he's much more clever than that. It just kept happening that this place would manage to outsmart him time and again.]
I learned you can turn into a wolf. So I waited until you went out one night, followed you until I had tracked you down, and broke your neck.
[He says this all in a dispassionate voice, the same one he used to use when his master demanded a mission report after he'd sent Maul to kill someone. His tone isn't cold, more like he's disassociating from the moment in general. If he has to think about what he's done, he's going to lose it completely.
At the same time, it also does show that Maul, even brainwashed, has grown as a person. He could have made her suffer, they both know this. He could have tortured her for hours or even given her a lingering death that would have left her in agony for minutes before she finally succumbed to it. Instead, he'd gone for one of the quickest ways he could in order to just get it done and over with.]
[The part where she leaves her body when she sleeps to become a wolf. She had been beginning to accept it - she didn't like it, exactly, but it was becoming tolerable, and there were times where she could see the advantage in it.
Now all she knows is that it's gotten her killed.]
What was I thinking? I knew you were after me - you posted it on the network. I should have been inside.
[She rubs absently at the back of her neck as she falls quiet again. It hits her too that he killed her quickly and without suffering in spite of threatening to do otherwise. There is that, at least.]
Do not blame yourself for what happened. There is only one person to blame and you are already talking to him.
[That's definitely a new one for Maul, accepting responsibility for anything he's done. Even when he'd been calling Willow's Omni over and over again, there had even been a moment where he'd lashed out and blamed her anyway. But now that he's had some time to think and calm down he's much more reasonable about his part in her death.
He realizes that Willow is missing a significant number of memories. He could just lie to her but he also knows she'd realize it the moment she talks to anyone else who saw that post, so he might as well be honest. What she does get is the full story the way almost no one else here has.]
I went to a shop that specialized in curse-breaking when I ran out of patience in feeling remorse on my own. Eight months was long enough. They gave me a medallion and told me it would give me what I needed. What they didn't tell me is that it would shatter me into eight versions of myself, each representative of a part of me that could feel a certain set of emotions. One of them was timid and sad and was able to access the emotion of remorse. That was enough to get the potion to activate. But my other emotions are much stronger and buried it back down once I was put back together.
[His tale done, he tilts his head in a quizzical fashion at Willow.]
I do have a question for you as a witch that was brought up to me by another witch here. Why didn't you three simply curse me to feel remorse in the first place? It would have been far simpler and a more effective lesson than expecting me to feel it on my own. After the experiences I had learning lessons growing up, forcing me to learn anything is forever a poor strategy in general. The emotion was so foreign to me Usagi had to outright explain it to me as if I was a child for me to even begin to understand what it was.
[Hearing him place the blame for her death squarely on his own shoulders is a shocking turn of events. He's never, that she can recall, taken personal responsibility for anything. That was part of what raised her ire with him in the first place - not just the action in maiming Glitch, but also his inability to accept any responsibility for his actions.
She's not about to disagree with him, but at the same time, she can't help feeling like she could have at least not made it easier for him, and she can't help but wonder where her head was. Surely, the house had been warded against him. He wouldn't have been able to get to her if she had just stayed in.
She listens quietly to the story of how he broke the curse - by separating himself to the point where one aspect of his personality was able to feel the remorse needed for the potion, and her eyebrows raise.]
I have to admit, that was a pretty clever work around. We were careful - I have to be honest, I knew you'd look for a loophole. I didn't think you'd actually be able to find one.
[It takes her a moment to answer his last question, trying to decide how much she wants to disclose about the limitations of the magic from her world. She supposes there's no real harm in it at this point.]
I can't speak for John or Luna, but magic in my world doesn't work that way, and those kinds of spells - the kind that mess with making someone feel a particular emotion - are even more dangerous than what we did. I know someone who tried to cast a love spell once, and it worked on everyone but the person he tried to cast it on. Except it wasn't love, it was obsession. I might have been able to work a spell that would make you feel sad, or depressed, but it wouldn't make you realize that there was something wrong with the way you were hurting people. You had to figure that out yourself.
[Maul's inability to take responsibility for his actions, as most things, can be traced back to Sidious. He'd indoctrinated the young kit early on that when bad things happened to him in the form of punishments from his master, it was always his fault rather than Sidious just being a sadistic jerk. That lesson had been expanded as he got older as he'd been taught that the Dark Side was used to get what one wanted. And if the death of a person was what he wanted, well then, clearly that was just the will of the Force that they needed to die. Lastly, being used as a weapon had taught him not to take responsibility for his actions. He was just as unfeeling as his saberstaff, just a tool to be used, and tools couldn't be blamed when they were used to make bad things happen.
Now is different. He'd first started learning to take responsibility when Savage died. Maul knew the only reason his brother was dead was because he'd been by Maul's side. Therefore it was Maul's fault and no one else's his beloved little brother was dead. The lessons had continued after that. Since he'd come to Deerington almost two years ago, he's had it impressed upon him that he needs to take responsibility for what he's done past and present. More than being a good person, more than learning compassion or how to help those weaker than himself, it's that lesson which has been most difficult to learn.
He's still not ready to take responsibility for things that had happened in his past. Doing things like maiming Glitch, killing Anakin, or ruining Obi-Wan's life time and again had gotten him what he wanted at the time, so it is impossible for him to admit that he was responsible.
But this time is different. He's not sure how or why but the mental switch in his mind is flipped just like it was when Savage or his mother died. This is his fault and if he doesn't take responsibility for it, the repercussions will be severe. Other people he cares about will be caught in the crossfire and might die. He can't let that happen.
There's a grim smile that comes upon Maul's features.]
The one thing Sleepers have consistently underestimated me on is my sense of determination. When I want something to happen, I make sure it does.
[It's something he's always had. Sidious hadn't needed to indoctrinate him with it, that, his stubbornness, and the sense of courage that borders on insanity sometimes were innate from the time he was a young child. It was good when Maul wanted something like to protect someone or make them happy but very dangerous and bad at all others. Maul hadn't wanted to die when Obi-Wan had sliced him in half, so he'd held onto life through the powers of the Dark Side so fiercely he hadn't. He'd wanted revenge upon the man and had done so in such a fashion as to leave an indelible mark upon the Jedi. He'd wanted people dead when his master's ghost was brainwashing him and had gone on such a killing spree people are still talking about it nearly a year later.
He listens to Willow before nodding his head slowly.]
I suppose that makes sense. Everything has its limitations and I don't know much about magic in general save what I learned from my mother.
[Ironic given they are living in a city that is powered by nothing but magic.]
[She remembers his tale at the end of the dream about how he lost his lower half and managed to survive - that the most common mistake people made when dealing with him was underestimating his determination. She's not sure underestimating his determination had been her mistake - she knew he would try, she knew he would probably spend months, or even years, trying to find an alternative way around their curse beyond the course laid out before him. She hadn't thought there was another way to successfully break it. None of them had considered the possibility of him splitting his personality.
In retrospect, maybe she should have. Dying at his hands feels like it was particularly inevitable with the weight of his words, but she files it away in the back of her mind. Maybe at one point, her death was on the list of things he always wanted, but it certainly doesn't seem like that at the moment.
It's too late now, though, what's done is done. He's broken his curse, and caused irrevocable harm, but all they can all do is try to move past it and hopefully let peace spring from the remains of the chaos.
She doesn't want the conversation to deteriorate into yet another argument, so perhaps it's best to say nothing and instead focus on the easier conversation, which still feels loaded given she has already learned she use magic in this world, save for blood magic.]
It's a little different depending on where you're from. My magic isn't the same as Luna's, and neither of ours works quite the same way John's does either. I bet the magic your mother knew is different again.
[Maul is alright with the change of subject. He'll circle back around to what happened in a bit, as he still needs to clarify a point or two with Willow, but for now there's something else they can talk about. It's strange to be having such a conversation with someone he killed such a short time ago but not the first time. He and Reaper managed to have several calm conversations after he'd ran his lover through with his lightsaber while brainwashed.]
The magic I have here resembles some of what she used to be able to do.
[That in itself is a bit of a surprise. With the exception of a few people, Maul hasn't even made it public knowledge he has powers here. Were it not for the various effects that only happened to certain blood types each month and made it clear he was a Vileblood, it would have been easy to peg him as a Warmblood.
But magic Maul does indeed have and the reason he doesn't use it often is because it's clear it has been meant to use to help people instead of harm them. The one ability he's been able to use clear corruption from the mind and he does it the same way his mother had fixed his own brother mind once upon a time: reaching his hands inside the mind and physically pulling out what was inside that was harming a person.]
[The safety of the distance the Omni provides does a lot to soothe Willow's nerves about this whole conversation, and helps her maintain her calm in spite of her discomfort. Besides, she's fairly certain some of the questions she's had as to what happened can only be answered by him. She is still aware he has her at a very distinct disadvantage without her memory intact.
She is choosing to trust him for now despite every instinct screaming at her that she absolutely should not.
He catches her attention again with the revelation that he does have magic here, and that it's similar to what his mother could do. She remembers what Savage told her on the beach between worlds about being forced to obey the Nightsisters' whims while under control of one of their spells, and can't help be alarmed.]
When my brother first found me and brought me home to Dathomir, my mind was.....damaged.
[He doesn't like to mention that period of time when he'd gone completely insane to anyone and few know about it. Not even many of his close friends are aware of what had happened during all those years of madness on Lotho Minor. But he has to explain to Willow in this case in order to make his point clear.]
My mother had the ability to heal the mind of madness. She simply reached inside and pulled out it out in a literal fashion, as though it was nothing more than a physical object that needed to be removed. It restored my mind. Several months ago, I discovered I have a similar ability here. It doesn't heal the mind of madness but instead I can remove corruption in the same way, just by reaching into a person's head and pulling it out.
That's, um... quite the power. There's probably a lot of people here that could really benefit from that.
[Trusting Maul to pull something out of her mind, or the mind of someone else she cares about is nowhere near a step she is even remotely prepared to make, though. Even if she was desperate.]
I don't know how to wield it very well yet. I've only tried to do it twice and one of those times was unsuccessful.
[But he knows he's not going to get any better at it if he doesn't get some practice on other people.]
Besides, I'm sure there has to be another Sleeper who has similar magic.
[Though the longer he thinks about it, Maul realizes he hasn't heard of anyone else able to do this, not from any other Sleeper mentioning it or even through just the usual lines of gossip.]
I haven't run into anyone who has that particular ability. I mean, I don't know everyone, but it could be unique. You'd probably have to check the Archives to see if anyone has been able to do that historically.
[She lets that sink in. Actually, if someone has had the same power in the past, the Archives might be key in teaching him how to use it.]
If you're serious about wanting to start helping others, I'd say that's a pretty good way to start.
Well, when I tried to remove Varian's, it was so deep-set into his mind I sensed trying to take it out would do more harm than good, that it might have caused irreparable harm to the landscape of his mind. [He sighs.] Perhaps I should have tried harder...
[He couldn't have known Varian would be so corrupted as to descend into beasthood but Maul feels like he could have done something more. Maybe if he gets more experience with this he will be able to eventually.]
Very well. I will ask my followers as well. They might know something.
[Oh yes, that's right, Maul has a cult. Fun times!
He pauses and an awkward silence descends before.]
I have incurred a debt by what I did. I don't know how I shall ever pay it back but....if you have need of my assistance, simply ask. I am not good for much besides death and destruction, but sometimes such a person is needed even if most do not want them around.
Oh. If, uh, your instincts are telling you you would do more harm than good by doing something, you're doing the right thing by stopping.
[Especially since Maul's instincts so rarely ever seem to tell him to stop. Or maybe they do, and he just doesn't listen out of... what? Stubbornness? Probably stubbornness.
The news of his cult is also unwelcome.]
Followers? You have followers? How long has this been a thing for?
[Does she even want to know? She suspects probably not, but then again, if it's been going on for awhile, at least he hasn't sent them after any of them as far as she's aware.
At his last thought, she pauses. She doesn't really want him owing her anything, but she'll keep the offer for help in the back of her head. There are no doubt still people in Trench who will stand with him - there always have been, what's one more incident? Surely they all knew this was coming, and she doubts all of his support will cut themselves off from him. It's not like any of them have any loyalty to her, and she's well aware many of them probably don't agree with the choice to curse him as a means of stopping his destructive behaviour.
She has to remind herself it is not her responsibility to offer comfort to her killer.]
Thank you. I'll keep that in mind. I know you're looking to change, and it's up to you to decide what it is you're good for now, if you really mean to follow through on it.
I don't toy with people's minds easily or lightly. It is far easier to break someone down physically than mentally.
[Given Maul's experience with his master, he knew the horror that could come with changing someone's mind forcibly, whether through psychic actions or just plain old brainwashing. His mental powers through the Force weren't something he used in a cavalier fashion.
He does grin at the mention of his cult. He's very proud of those that have chosen to follow him.]
Since I arrived. I was first suspicious of them given the way the Deerington townsfolk acted the first month I came to the town, first being kind and sweet before they drugged me, sewed me to a deer, and tried to burn me alive. I thought the natives here would be the same but after months of their persistence, I saw their desire to have me as their leader and guide them was sincere.
[Disconcerting as the thought of Maul having followers was, he certainly has been taking his duties as their leader seriously. He's not going to use them frivolously or for personal vendettas. The power he gained here is something that he's been seeking for some time and he's not going to throw it away in just a few months.
Maul can tell Willow is a good person despite the anger he's carried against her for months now due to cursing him. Some in this city have written him off for far less than what he's done to her but it seems she is willing to give him one last chance. And he is painfully aware that it is his last chance.]
I am sure many will not believe that I want to. I've said I will too many times in the past before. But sometimes you must reach a breaking point in your life where you can either continue down the path that has been set for you or turn onto a new one and that can only occur through reaching a low point. It's not easy, especially given where my life has gone before but I know I must either start to pilot my own ship right or end up flying into a supernova.
["Sink or swim" is essentially the metaphor he's going for here.]
[From what she's seen, Maul has his own take on playing mind games with the people he's targeting. He doesn't really need to use his powers for that, he's manipulative enough all on his own.
She raises her eyebrows silently as he tells the tale about how he was suspicious at first until they managed to convince him their motivations were pure. That's a terrifying thought - he has followers that he could very well choose to send after any of them at any time should the desire to do so strike. She doubts he will - he does have a tendency to want to do his own dirty work in that regard, at least, but the possibility of him having people throughout Trench who are loyal to him is still a concern. Besides, it does seem like at the moment, he does genuinely want to change.
It's probably fine.]
You're probably not wrong about people not believing you at this point, honestly. You're going to have a long, hard road ahead of you, trying to convince them too. But that doesn't mean it's not worth doing, and I think we had that talk before. You seem... I dunno... particularly sincere this time, I guess, and like you already said, there's not much you can't get done when you're determined to do it.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2022-02-19 04:44 pm (UTC)She can hear the regret in his tone as he speaks, and that's hard to simply dismiss. If nothing else, she knows Maul wears his heart on his sleeve.
At the same time, the whole tale feels...
Convenient.]
So, you're telling me that you broke your curse - from what I've heard that must be some story all on its own, but anyway.
You broke your curse. Got on the network and immediately threatened to come after and kill me, John, and Luna. Then a monster gave you chocolate??
[What even is this place? What kind of monsters do they have here? Okay, so maybe cursed chocolate is also a Sunnydale thing, but that's beside the point.]
Didn't anyone ever tell you not to take candy from people - okay, monsters, whatever - you don't know?
[Her tone turns from disbelief to caution. She wants to tread carefully with him - there's no longer any magic keeping her, or the people she cares about safe, and she is trying very hard to be honest without provoking his rage.]
You, um, know how all this sounds, right?
no subject
Date: 2022-02-20 01:24 am (UTC)[Now he's paid the price for his short-sighted behavior.]
Believe me, I know exactly how this sounds. The timing could not have possibly been worse.
[Maul knows there is a snowball's chance in hell that anyone would believe this all hadn't been completely premeditated. But he's got to at least try and make Willow understand.
He gives a long sigh.]
But maybe I deserved this. I've squandered so many chances to do better here. Maybe hitting this point was inevitable if I ever have hope for a chance to actually redeem myself.
[But he shakes off any 'woe-is-me' angst he may be feeling.]
I know you don't owe me a single thing, but if you can find it in your heart to do so, make sure no one goes after my brother. This solely on my own head, and I'll accept what anyone wants to do, but I fear they will go after those close to me to even the score.
[Qrow's texts are ringing in his ears, the threats to hurt those he cares about.]
no subject
Date: 2022-02-20 02:29 am (UTC)You ate a chocolate, turned into a cat, and went back for more?
[She wants more than anything to say she doesn't believe him - he's full of nonsense, and she knows he's a violent, psychopathic murderer. She is well aware she could take to the network and advertise that he killed her in cold blood as part of a revenge scheme, and there's not a soul who wouldn't believe her. There's probably not even a soul who wouldn't turn against him at this point. Including all of his friends
He sounds so earnest, and so regretful.
She sighs.]
Savage is my friend too.
Besides, I think there's been more than enough killing. Don't you?
no subject
Date: 2022-02-20 03:16 am (UTC)[Well, she's not immediately declaring him a monster and demanding his head, so that's a good sign. He's never been more thankful most people here have a deep well of compassion than right now. But also....]
My brother has friends?
[Huh. That's a new one. But heartening news amid all the tragedy. He's always encouraged Savage to seek out companions but he's never really done so from what Maul has seen.]
Yes. This needs to end or it will never stop.
[Look at that, the psychopathic Sith Lord can be taught! .....Eventually and with a lot of mistakes on his part but it does happen upon occasion.]
no subject
Date: 2022-02-20 05:39 pm (UTC)[Okay, that makes a lot more sense than Maul going, 'Oh look! A chocolate!' spending some time as a cat, and immediately, once again, going 'Oh, look! A chocolate!']
I thought maybe you just really liked being a cat.
[She's joking. Mostly, anyway.
In spite of the messages, it comes as a bit of a surprise that he seems genuinely willing to change. The question that remains is whether or not he's capable of genuine, sustained change. Or, if after a time, he will merely backslide again.
The best thing she can do, she thinks, is probably to accept it for now as another fragile, but temporary peace, and stay on her guard for when he changes his mind.]
I, uh. A lot of things aren't really clear right now. I guess I kind of... I dunno. Forgot? A lot of stuff. Maybe you can help fill in some of the blanks for me? I don't even know what happened the day, you... You know.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-21 04:59 am (UTC)I learned you can turn into a wolf. So I waited until you went out one night, followed you until I had tracked you down, and broke your neck.
[He says this all in a dispassionate voice, the same one he used to use when his master demanded a mission report after he'd sent Maul to kill someone. His tone isn't cold, more like he's disassociating from the moment in general. If he has to think about what he's done, he's going to lose it completely.
At the same time, it also does show that Maul, even brainwashed, has grown as a person. He could have made her suffer, they both know this. He could have tortured her for hours or even given her a lingering death that would have left her in agony for minutes before she finally succumbed to it. Instead, he'd gone for one of the quickest ways he could in order to just get it done and over with.]
no subject
Date: 2022-02-21 09:06 am (UTC)[The part where she leaves her body when she sleeps to become a wolf. She had been beginning to accept it - she didn't like it, exactly, but it was becoming tolerable, and there were times where she could see the advantage in it.
Now all she knows is that it's gotten her killed.]
What was I thinking? I knew you were after me - you posted it on the network. I should have been inside.
[She rubs absently at the back of her neck as she falls quiet again. It hits her too that he killed her quickly and without suffering in spite of threatening to do otherwise. There is that, at least.]
How'd you break the curse?
no subject
Date: 2022-02-21 09:40 am (UTC)[That's definitely a new one for Maul, accepting responsibility for anything he's done. Even when he'd been calling Willow's Omni over and over again, there had even been a moment where he'd lashed out and blamed her anyway. But now that he's had some time to think and calm down he's much more reasonable about his part in her death.
He realizes that Willow is missing a significant number of memories. He could just lie to her but he also knows she'd realize it the moment she talks to anyone else who saw that post, so he might as well be honest. What she does get is the full story the way almost no one else here has.]
I went to a shop that specialized in curse-breaking when I ran out of patience in feeling remorse on my own. Eight months was long enough. They gave me a medallion and told me it would give me what I needed. What they didn't tell me is that it would shatter me into eight versions of myself, each representative of a part of me that could feel a certain set of emotions. One of them was timid and sad and was able to access the emotion of remorse. That was enough to get the potion to activate. But my other emotions are much stronger and buried it back down once I was put back together.
[His tale done, he tilts his head in a quizzical fashion at Willow.]
I do have a question for you as a witch that was brought up to me by another witch here. Why didn't you three simply curse me to feel remorse in the first place? It would have been far simpler and a more effective lesson than expecting me to feel it on my own. After the experiences I had learning lessons growing up, forcing me to learn anything is forever a poor strategy in general. The emotion was so foreign to me Usagi had to outright explain it to me as if I was a child for me to even begin to understand what it was.
no subject
Date: 2022-02-21 10:31 am (UTC)She's not about to disagree with him, but at the same time, she can't help feeling like she could have at least not made it easier for him, and she can't help but wonder where her head was. Surely, the house had been warded against him. He wouldn't have been able to get to her if she had just stayed in.
She listens quietly to the story of how he broke the curse - by separating himself to the point where one aspect of his personality was able to feel the remorse needed for the potion, and her eyebrows raise.]
I have to admit, that was a pretty clever work around. We were careful - I have to be honest, I knew you'd look for a loophole. I didn't think you'd actually be able to find one.
[It takes her a moment to answer his last question, trying to decide how much she wants to disclose about the limitations of the magic from her world. She supposes there's no real harm in it at this point.]
I can't speak for John or Luna, but magic in my world doesn't work that way, and those kinds of spells - the kind that mess with making someone feel a particular emotion - are even more dangerous than what we did. I know someone who tried to cast a love spell once, and it worked on everyone but the person he tried to cast it on. Except it wasn't love, it was obsession. I might have been able to work a spell that would make you feel sad, or depressed, but it wouldn't make you realize that there was something wrong with the way you were hurting people. You had to figure that out yourself.
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Date: 2022-02-21 10:58 am (UTC)Now is different. He'd first started learning to take responsibility when Savage died. Maul knew the only reason his brother was dead was because he'd been by Maul's side. Therefore it was Maul's fault and no one else's his beloved little brother was dead. The lessons had continued after that. Since he'd come to Deerington almost two years ago, he's had it impressed upon him that he needs to take responsibility for what he's done past and present. More than being a good person, more than learning compassion or how to help those weaker than himself, it's that lesson which has been most difficult to learn.
He's still not ready to take responsibility for things that had happened in his past. Doing things like maiming Glitch, killing Anakin, or ruining Obi-Wan's life time and again had gotten him what he wanted at the time, so it is impossible for him to admit that he was responsible.
But this time is different. He's not sure how or why but the mental switch in his mind is flipped just like it was when Savage or his mother died. This is his fault and if he doesn't take responsibility for it, the repercussions will be severe. Other people he cares about will be caught in the crossfire and might die. He can't let that happen.
There's a grim smile that comes upon Maul's features.]
The one thing Sleepers have consistently underestimated me on is my sense of determination. When I want something to happen, I make sure it does.
[It's something he's always had. Sidious hadn't needed to indoctrinate him with it, that, his stubbornness, and the sense of courage that borders on insanity sometimes were innate from the time he was a young child. It was good when Maul wanted something like to protect someone or make them happy but very dangerous and bad at all others. Maul hadn't wanted to die when Obi-Wan had sliced him in half, so he'd held onto life through the powers of the Dark Side so fiercely he hadn't. He'd wanted revenge upon the man and had done so in such a fashion as to leave an indelible mark upon the Jedi. He'd wanted people dead when his master's ghost was brainwashing him and had gone on such a killing spree people are still talking about it nearly a year later.
He listens to Willow before nodding his head slowly.]
I suppose that makes sense. Everything has its limitations and I don't know much about magic in general save what I learned from my mother.
[Ironic given they are living in a city that is powered by nothing but magic.]
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Date: 2022-02-24 02:16 am (UTC)In retrospect, maybe she should have. Dying at his hands feels like it was particularly inevitable with the weight of his words, but she files it away in the back of her mind. Maybe at one point, her death was on the list of things he always wanted, but it certainly doesn't seem like that at the moment.
It's too late now, though, what's done is done. He's broken his curse, and caused irrevocable harm, but all they can all do is try to move past it and hopefully let peace spring from the remains of the chaos.
She doesn't want the conversation to deteriorate into yet another argument, so perhaps it's best to say nothing and instead focus on the easier conversation, which still feels loaded given she has already learned she use magic in this world, save for blood magic.]
It's a little different depending on where you're from. My magic isn't the same as Luna's, and neither of ours works quite the same way John's does either. I bet the magic your mother knew is different again.
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Date: 2022-02-28 08:51 am (UTC)The magic I have here resembles some of what she used to be able to do.
[That in itself is a bit of a surprise. With the exception of a few people, Maul hasn't even made it public knowledge he has powers here. Were it not for the various effects that only happened to certain blood types each month and made it clear he was a Vileblood, it would have been easy to peg him as a Warmblood.
But magic Maul does indeed have and the reason he doesn't use it often is because it's clear it has been meant to use to help people instead of harm them. The one ability he's been able to use clear corruption from the mind and he does it the same way his mother had fixed his own brother mind once upon a time: reaching his hands inside the mind and physically pulling out what was inside that was harming a person.]
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Date: 2022-03-01 03:52 am (UTC)She is choosing to trust him for now despite every instinct screaming at her that she absolutely should not.
He catches her attention again with the revelation that he does have magic here, and that it's similar to what his mother could do. She remembers what Savage told her on the beach between worlds about being forced to obey the Nightsisters' whims while under control of one of their spells, and can't help be alarmed.]
Oh? What, uh, what kind of magic, exactly?
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Date: 2022-03-01 07:27 am (UTC)[He doesn't like to mention that period of time when he'd gone completely insane to anyone and few know about it. Not even many of his close friends are aware of what had happened during all those years of madness on Lotho Minor. But he has to explain to Willow in this case in order to make his point clear.]
My mother had the ability to heal the mind of madness. She simply reached inside and pulled out it out in a literal fashion, as though it was nothing more than a physical object that needed to be removed. It restored my mind. Several months ago, I discovered I have a similar ability here. It doesn't heal the mind of madness but instead I can remove corruption in the same way, just by reaching into a person's head and pulling it out.
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Date: 2022-03-02 09:52 am (UTC)[Trusting Maul to pull something out of her mind, or the mind of someone else she cares about is nowhere near a step she is even remotely prepared to make, though. Even if she was desperate.]
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Date: 2022-03-02 10:00 am (UTC)[But he knows he's not going to get any better at it if he doesn't get some practice on other people.]
Besides, I'm sure there has to be another Sleeper who has similar magic.
[Though the longer he thinks about it, Maul realizes he hasn't heard of anyone else able to do this, not from any other Sleeper mentioning it or even through just the usual lines of gossip.]
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Date: 2022-03-02 10:27 am (UTC)[She lets that sink in. Actually, if someone has had the same power in the past, the Archives might be key in teaching him how to use it.]
If you're serious about wanting to start helping others, I'd say that's a pretty good way to start.
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Date: 2022-03-02 11:09 am (UTC)[He does hope those aren't famous last words.]
At least this will give me something to do for the next few weeks while I keep my head down. I am rather fond of reading.
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Date: 2022-03-02 11:22 am (UTC)[There might be other powers he has that could be used as an attack, but she is not going to encourage him to look into that at all.]
I like reading too. I'll let you know if I come across anything that might help.
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Date: 2022-03-02 11:31 am (UTC)[He couldn't have known Varian would be so corrupted as to descend into beasthood but Maul feels like he could have done something more. Maybe if he gets more experience with this he will be able to eventually.]
Very well. I will ask my followers as well. They might know something.
[Oh yes, that's right, Maul has a cult. Fun times!
He pauses and an awkward silence descends before.]
I have incurred a debt by what I did. I don't know how I shall ever pay it back but....if you have need of my assistance, simply ask. I am not good for much besides death and destruction, but sometimes such a person is needed even if most do not want them around.
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Date: 2022-03-02 07:21 pm (UTC)[Especially since Maul's instincts so rarely ever seem to tell him to stop. Or maybe they do, and he just doesn't listen out of... what? Stubbornness? Probably stubbornness.
The news of his cult is also unwelcome.]
Followers? You have followers? How long has this been a thing for?
[Does she even want to know? She suspects probably not, but then again, if it's been going on for awhile, at least he hasn't sent them after any of them as far as she's aware.
At his last thought, she pauses. She doesn't really want him owing her anything, but she'll keep the offer for help in the back of her head. There are no doubt still people in Trench who will stand with him - there always have been, what's one more incident? Surely they all knew this was coming, and she doubts all of his support will cut themselves off from him. It's not like any of them have any loyalty to her, and she's well aware many of them probably don't agree with the choice to curse him as a means of stopping his destructive behaviour.
She has to remind herself it is not her responsibility to offer comfort to her killer.]
Thank you. I'll keep that in mind. I know you're looking to change, and it's up to you to decide what it is you're good for now, if you really mean to follow through on it.
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Date: 2022-03-03 09:08 am (UTC)[Given Maul's experience with his master, he knew the horror that could come with changing someone's mind forcibly, whether through psychic actions or just plain old brainwashing. His mental powers through the Force weren't something he used in a cavalier fashion.
He does grin at the mention of his cult. He's very proud of those that have chosen to follow him.]
Since I arrived. I was first suspicious of them given the way the Deerington townsfolk acted the first month I came to the town, first being kind and sweet before they drugged me, sewed me to a deer, and tried to burn me alive. I thought the natives here would be the same but after months of their persistence, I saw their desire to have me as their leader and guide them was sincere.
[Disconcerting as the thought of Maul having followers was, he certainly has been taking his duties as their leader seriously. He's not going to use them frivolously or for personal vendettas. The power he gained here is something that he's been seeking for some time and he's not going to throw it away in just a few months.
Maul can tell Willow is a good person despite the anger he's carried against her for months now due to cursing him. Some in this city have written him off for far less than what he's done to her but it seems she is willing to give him one last chance. And he is painfully aware that it is his last chance.]
I am sure many will not believe that I want to. I've said I will too many times in the past before. But sometimes you must reach a breaking point in your life where you can either continue down the path that has been set for you or turn onto a new one and that can only occur through reaching a low point. It's not easy, especially given where my life has gone before but I know I must either start to pilot my own ship right or end up flying into a supernova.
["Sink or swim" is essentially the metaphor he's going for here.]
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Date: 2022-03-04 05:35 am (UTC)[From what she's seen, Maul has his own take on playing mind games with the people he's targeting. He doesn't really need to use his powers for that, he's manipulative enough all on his own.
She raises her eyebrows silently as he tells the tale about how he was suspicious at first until they managed to convince him their motivations were pure. That's a terrifying thought - he has followers that he could very well choose to send after any of them at any time should the desire to do so strike. She doubts he will - he does have a tendency to want to do his own dirty work in that regard, at least, but the possibility of him having people throughout Trench who are loyal to him is still a concern. Besides, it does seem like at the moment, he does genuinely want to change.
It's probably fine.]
You're probably not wrong about people not believing you at this point, honestly. You're going to have a long, hard road ahead of you, trying to convince them too. But that doesn't mean it's not worth doing, and I think we had that talk before. You seem... I dunno... particularly sincere this time, I guess, and like you already said, there's not much you can't get done when you're determined to do it.
[Including murder, apparently.]
I just hope it sticks this time.